You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Pants are for mortals
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
