You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
