Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
