the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
