thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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