her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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