i jhust puked up my retainher.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
