Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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