The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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