i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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