Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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