Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
