I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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