I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
