my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
