In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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