Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
