I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
