He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My ass is underappreciated
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
