Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
