I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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