While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
