I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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