dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
