$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
