Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
