watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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