took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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