I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
