sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
