I want to walk on stilts...naked
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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