i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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