Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
