we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
