Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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