Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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