I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
