Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
