my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
