If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
