It's like a parade of train wrecks.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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