bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Still dying that you shit outside
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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