This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
