Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
