we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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