That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
