I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
