epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
