If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Randomize
