we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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