half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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