Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
