i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
handjob tips. give me some.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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