brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
