I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
