Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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