God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Actions speak louder than pants.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize