Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
