i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
