would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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