new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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