Nicole vs. Life
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
