so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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