Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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