You just made me feel so damn special
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
