I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
