I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
