hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize