Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
