don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you had me at cake vodka
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
